I was recently asked by a young lady, “what do you do when your parents should be in negative towards you?” I thought about it for a second and then I answered. You have to extend your parents some grace. I explained that when children are born parents aren't issued instruction manuals and simply. I explained when children are born, parents aren't issued instruction manuals and simply do the best they can with the tools and knowledge they have. I explained that sometimes parents have their own trauma or negative life experience that impacts them, and they transfer that to their children. I used an example of a parent being afraid of water and transferring that fear onto the child by getting angry when the child goes near water. The child does not understand the fear of the parent, they only associate the negative response from the parent with the water and therefore are fearful of the water because of the parents’ response. I explained to the young lady that the intent of the parent is not to hurt her, but instead to protect her from having a bad experience with the water like they did. Again, I reminded her to extend her parents some grace and she pleasantly nodded in understanding.
Sadly, there are adults that have not even figured out this lesson and are in fact parents themselves. Parents are not perfect. They don't know what they don't know. They simply do the best with what they have. To simply assume they knew better or should have known better is wrong. You weren't there and will likely never understand it. Unfortunately, when you become adults you are certain you know the answers and never bother to resolve the issue with the parent by seeking first to understand then to be understood. So, the adult child remains hurt, and hurt people hurt people so the cycle continues. Extend grace to your parents as an adult. Afterall, once you become an adult your happiness is your responsibility.
Grow up! Find forgiveness! Go Pursue Hard Things!!
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